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More Lies and Dangerous Pets

Keeping Really Dangerous Pets


Triffids are famous for being Man-Eating-Plants, but it's fine for little girls to keep them, as long as they don't let them near their dads.

You can raise your own triffid from a seed, they grow very quickly in a warm sunny spot and you don't have to worry about weeds as your young triffid will eat them - it will also eat worms, blackbirds and small dogs. While they are young you should be very careful that your mum doesn't get them confused with ordinary flowers and put then in a vase on the kitchen windowsill, especially if your cat likes to sleep there.

Fully grown triffids are never more than three metres tall so they will fit in your lounge once you have trained them not to eat the furniture. They like a nice big pot of damp compost to sit in while they watch television (they like to watch gardening programs) and the rest of your family will hardly know they're there, though they might notice when your Triffid eats the sofa. Do keep an eye on your triffid though, if left to themselves for too long they sometimes try to take over the world.

The Big Book of Lies

Isaac Newton invents gravity

In the olden days there was no gravity. There was no up or down, just all-over-the-place. This made life very difficult as everything kept floating away. One day Isaac Newton was sitting under his apple tree (he was tied to it to stop him floating away) when he decide he wanted an apple. He couldn't reach the apple so, being a very clever man, he immediately hit on the idea of inventing gravity and did it there and then. The apple fell right into his hand. Unfortunately a grand piano, which just happened to be floating past, fell right on his head at the same time so Isaac gave up inventing and spent the rest of his life looking after homeless hamsters.

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